Don't Say I Didn't Tell You

Getting better as I get older is a goal I cherish. It means I will gain insight and share love as I age. Aging implies a loss of vitality and energy, but it also suggests a gain in wisdom. I wonder if anyone has done a study to evaluate the "I told you so" factor. Many of the things I warn my children and grandchildren about don't happen immediately, so they forget I told them it would happen. 

I wanted to remind my grandson that there would be a day when he would want to be able to use good English. Now that he is selling cars to people who are educated, he needs to use the language better; it's so boring and dull to study all that stuff, much less get it in his speech patterns and mental processing. I tried to tell him he should study language and how to communicate. He just blew me off. I told you so.

There are lots of these incidents. I told some of my grandchildren they should work hard and love God and never give up. All that stuff old people say sounds so old, but it works. When you look at the people who didn't, it's easier to understand. People who failed at their elementary lessons may be a sad reminder that laying a good foundation is important, maybe more important than IQ , or a nice smile, or "natural ability," 

I keep remembering the song Roy Clark sang, "Yesterday When I Was Young"

Getting Older Is Inevitable

I've been enjoying my retirement years for a while now, but I did a little research and found out that retirement is better for me than for many people in the world. 

For people without children, retirement in Russia may be very painful. The family is the safety net that Russian culture provides for the elderly. Homes for old people are considered a source of shame. A program in the Kurgan region of Russia has provided a home for aged people as well as the wisdom and nurture of an older companion for the family. As with other parts of the world, the retirement age is the fastest growing segment of the population. 

Placing a person in a home for the aged costs 400 to 500 dollars a month, but when a granny is placed in the home. the cost is about 100 dollars a month. That doesn't sound like much for the family, but in the remote villages of Kurgan it may be a real deal. The family benefits from the wisdom, care and companionship of the granny and the granny gets a home and family.

The program is still small, but it may be catching on. There are currently only about 50 participants, but reports are very encouraging. Perhaps it will spread to other parts of Russia. 

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Family Trees Are So Much Fun!

I've been visiting with dead relatives lately and finding a few new ones. It's amazing to find people you never knew you were related to in documents and census records. Marriage records are a valuable source because they reveal the maiden name of the wife and open up all kinds of hidden delights for the family researchers and genealogists. 

If you are interested in looking into you family history, begin with yourself and your parents. Ask lots of questions about where your parents and grandparents lived and worked. Write it all down. List the years they were born, where they went to school, and where they worked. Look for interesting facts like family traditions and names of friends and acquaintances. In a narrative these details make your story come alive.

As you research your families, you will learn to recognize original sources and identify hints to pursue to find the most interesting events in your family history. .

Haynes Family History

Old Van Wert Sign, Polk County, Georgia (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

ElebMonroe Haynes was born in Georgia and he is found in the 1870 Census in his father's household in Polk, County Georgia. His father's name was Thomas and his mother's was  Mary.They attended church at the Van Wert Baptist Church.

Eleb's sister was 13 in 1870; her name was Missouri..The household included his father Thomas, his mother Mary, his sister, and three others, 2 white men who may have been relatives and one black man who may have been a former slave. Eleb was noted as 16 years old. By 1880 Thomas and Mary were in Mississippi and they lived alone.

Eleb  came to Texas sometime after 1870 and married Rhoda Louisa McCuiston on December 30, 1877 in Athens, Texas. They had six children: Bertha, Thomas Benton, Mary Emaline, Anthony Samuel, Carrye Lee, James Grady, and one infant who did not survive. 

Most everybody that will attend the HAL Family Reunion knows who Frank Haynes was: First, he was my husband, but more importantly to the family, he was Lillie Emaline Alexander and Anthony Samuel Haynes' youngest son, and grandson of Eleb.. 

Southeastern Georgia? (LOC) (Photo credit: The Library of Congress)

In the 1910 Census the Alexander and Haynes families were recorded as next door neighbors.  Romance flowered between Lillie and Anthony and they were married in Athens, Tx. on August 7, 1911. They moved to the La Rue community.

Are We Related?

1920 Haynes 12-cylinder, 4-door Roadster (Photo credit: dok1)

In my studies of successful aging, I have come to value the history and the memories of individuals.  Not all memories are true to history.  Sometimes we remember things as better or worse, more devastating or more romantic than they were when they were experienced.  The things that are provable like where our ancestors lived are the framework against which those other stories are set. The ones that are a wisp of smoke or mist are the meanings we put on the stories. They may become a moving tribute or an agonizing loss in retelling.

For the next year or so I am going to use this blog to explore and analyze some of the stories of my family.  I may choose to do those of my husband's family since that's the Family Reunion I will share this information with, but I also want to recount some of the stories of my side of the tree.

I'll probably send notices out to family members to see if they want to add to or correct my information.  I'll start with the Haynes, Alexander, and Lightsey families. who lived in Georgia and came to East Texas  before 1910. These three families are related by the fact that one of the Alexander daughters married a Haynes and one of them married a Lightsey. The family reunion I referred to is called the H-A-L Reunion, Haynes, Alexander, Lightsey. In genealogy research this is a pretty short time. We can follow the Alexander, Haynes, and Lightsey families through at least 200 to 300 years and find interaction with other families and historical events.

It is tempting to try to identify someone in your history and follow the trail to yourself, but genealogy doesn't work that way.  You have to identify your connections in the other direction beginning with yourself and .working backward to idenify those who came before you.

Wrong End of the Chain

Chain Link (Photo credit: small world)

The procedure I had done yesterday did relieve most of the pain in my neck. I slept well last night, and I could get out of bed easily. It is still sore, but that is a small price to pay.  Will I have the second injection? I doubt it. I blame most of that horrible week on the fact that they required me to cease my pain medication before the procedure. It is supposed to pose a bleeding risk. I have never had any bleeding form a needle.

 I suffered torture and excruciating pain from lack of meds.  It did show me how severe my arthritis is.  I will make plans to consult a rheumatalologist as soon as possibile.  It's not good to start at the wrong end of the chain to control where it ends up..

On High Expectations!

I recently brought to the attention of my doctor that I have some pretty severe pain in my neck.  He dutifully ordered an X-Ray, and then a MRI.  Those procedures confirmed that I have pain because I have lost carlilage in my neck Two of the discs have fused which results in a stiff neck.

I have dealt with this for many years,  dismissing it as a crick or I slept on it wrong. The doctor assured me that it was not a recent occurance. I did raise 6 kids.  I canned a garden every summer when Frank was gardening. When the kids were little I, did a lot of sewing, and Frank liked for me to make western shirts.  I was stupid to let him know that I could do it.

Then, I read and studied a lot completing my Master's Degree when I was 50. When I think about the strain and demand on my neck, I remember, too, that my neck has spent significant hours in prayer.  In the Old Testament, God refers to Israel as a "stiff-necked" people. All this bending and twisting of my neck have brought skills and experience that have blessed my life. It seems sad that I had to pay this price. On the other hand, maybe that is the cure for  Israel's /stiff neck.

Demands of Presidential Election

Getting older is driving me to grow and improve.  I find many places where I want to examine life and events in greater detail, but I'm not always prepared for the result.  Right now I am focusing on the political situation and the presidential race, and I don't like the effort it takes to examine the record of candidates.  The deeper I get in looking at this kind of stuff, the less I like any of the candidates.


I am insulted by Obama's refusal to honor the American flag, or salute when the National Anthem is played.  I wonder how veterans feel when he makes statements that praise their service, but he has been photographed repeated without the customary salute to the flag during the playing of the song or reciting the Pledge of Allegiance .  This sounds like a petty reason not to vote for him, but it does go to the foundation of what it means to be an American.


Most of what I see on TV is political rhetoric designed to influence and persuade rather than inform.  Nobody is really talking about the failure of the economic rescue.  Predictions from economists are disheartening:  Things are going to get worse again, and this time nobody will be spared.  


Obamacare has been declared the law of the land by the highest court, and it seems like there is nothing we can do about it.  I guess there are still people calling for it's repeal.  Really?  I think it's a lost cause.  Nobody knows what it means.  The people who wrote it don't even know, and certainly, nobody has explained it to the people who will be affected by it.  But if I heard right, Congress won't be affected.  Aren't they exempted?  


What was that I said about understanding life in a deeper and more concentrated way?  Do I really want to?  Will it help?  

Getting Older, Hurting More

I learned that Chiropractic wasn't the new cure I hoped it was.  I went to my doctor last week, and he X-rayed my neck.  The reason it hurts all the time is that there isn't much cartilage in it anymore, and two of the vertebrae have fused.  I am getting older--I should expect these changes.  


Somehow I never get ready for things to be painful or limiting.  Getting older is better when I feel I have accomplished something, conquered a mountain, or learned a new truth.  And I am still looking for those successes.  I keep trying to push on in spite of distractions, and sometimes I do.  I am comforted, in the face of the things I can't do anymore, with the fact that I did them when it mattered.  I don't sew anymore, partly because my vision is not very good for that kind of work.  Now the neck would be a problem too.  But I remember some of the things I made for my kids--pants, dresses, swimsuits, jackets, and western shirts for my husband.  I don't need to do that anymore.  


I wonder how much that sewing contributed to the pain in my neck.

Memories for the Future

This isn't really the house I grew up in, but it looks a lot like it.  It works for memories.

One of the fun things I enjoy about getting old is found in the thrill I get from recounting, remembering, and sharing memories. First, I find the remembering gives me a sense of reliving the event.  I get to share the people and the thrill of the moment with a whole new audience.


The second part of the fun is the way it blesses me to hear people I love from long ago.  I hear them laugh at me or scold me just like they did, and I feel loved again.  There is an Theven greater appreciation for the love of family and friends when you meet them in a memo

The most embarrassing moments are no longer devastating in a memory.  I may remember that I was mortified when I was fifteen and didn't know how to give a speech, but now I can reflect on the event and allow myself to recover.  Now I can stand in front of an audience and not melt, but it did take practice and confidence.  It's nice to know I did grow up.


Memories bless you all your life.  They also give you a chance to repent, ask forgiveness, and replay your last rant.  Getting older means getting better, and some of the things we profit from are our memories.  Enjoy them.  Learn from them.  And don't let anyone tell you that you are living in the past.  You are just bringing the past into the present time so it can bless the future..

Massage and Chropractic

English: Thai Massage (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I had never been to see a Chiropractor until this week, but I had begun to get weekly massages.  The massages relieved pain and pressure in my neck, shoulders and back.  It was wonderful.  The pain in my neck had been so severe that I often went to bed early or endured pain that made me nauseated.   After I started getting the massages weekly, I realized that the relief was wonderful but temporary, so I thought it was time to get more serious about the treatment.


One reason I like this approach is the lack of chemical or pharmacological agents.  I don't do well with many medications.  In addition to that, I like it because at any time I can say, "That's enough."  I may be a control freak, but I want to know what is happening and be able to stop when I want.  When you take medication, it is in your body and the effects may last beyond the time you want them to.  I find that unacceptable especially since the effects can cause visual distortion, loss of balance, allergic reactions, or intoxication.  Massage and Chiropractic haven't caused any of these negative events for me.  


If you've never tried it, you might want to consider it before you take your next pill.

Experience and Wisdom

It seems that denial is one of the best defense mechanisms I practice. When I have that option, I can embrace youth, vitality, and optimism.  Denying the ravages that old age is producing does nothing to remove them, and it only makes me feel better about my prospects as long as I don't have to face the truth.


I have sought a better way to face old age, and according to people like George Valliant and Gene Cohen, those strategics do exist.  They  may involve re-framing events to view the successes instead of the failures and the ability to continue to get joy from past positive 
experiences.  


I don't suggest that we should live in the past, but remembering joy can still give you joy.  When it comes to the abilities you feel old age is taking from you, look at the things that old age is giving you.


Wisdom is supposed to be the task of old age.  It's said to arrive with the gray hair and creaky knees, but the fact is that wisdom comes from experience, and a lot of that is related to bad choices.  Nothing teaches you the wise path like making the wrong choice.  One of the wise maneuvers you probably learned as you moved through your younger years had to do with these mistakes.  


I learned that I can watch my friends and family and learn from their mistakes as well as my own.  I don't have to do everything wrong to learn that it's a bad way to go.  I can get a lot of information about bad choices by watching other people and learning from their mistakes.  It may not have the same impact as doing it myself, but neither does it have the same consequences.


We try to share this wisdom with younger people, but they all seem to want to do it for themselves.  Oh, well, I tried.

A Short Visit for the Holiday

I am going on a little trip to visit my daughter, her husband and their two daughters.  It'll be wonderful!  They live in McAllen (that's still in Texas), but it is in the Rio Grand Valley.  I live closer to the Red River Valley.  Well, I used to.  I came from Red River County.  


I am going to enjoy their new house and go shopping and spoil the girls.  That's what grandmothers do.  Grandmothers also tut-tut a lot when the kids wear styles they don't like or eat things that look strange.  I'll stay four days and hug everybody a lot, and I'll get to tell all the stories of what I have been doing lately, and relive the fun parts and re-frame the disasters into a better outcome.  Visiting kids and grand kids is create.  When I come home, I'll get to tell all those stories too.  Remembering what was fun and sharing the pictures is have the fun of going.  It makes the trip last a lot longer, too.

Aging Is Great!

Theories about how older people deal with social attachments  abound.  Do we withdraw from social functions as we age? Are we less interested in connecting with others?  Are we lonely and sad because others withdraw from us?  Maybe it's our focus on memories and the past that drives others away.


I don't engage in much of the social whiz-bang, but I don't think it has much to do with my age.  I didn't enjoy the social clubs/activities much when I was young.  I liked the people and I supported their causes, but small talk and dressing up for the meetings didn't impress me. I find that aging is a distilling process.  I enjoy what I always enjoyed.  Now I have more freedom to say no to things I was hesitant to refuse earlier.  When I was younger, I sometimes engaged in activities because my husband or children wanted or needed to be active.  I was just there by association.


As one woman of 76 said, "Life's too short to spend time with people I don't like doing things I don't enjoy."  I'm not a good 42 player, I never really learned the finer points of Bridge, and Canasta was my aunt's thing, not mine.  I have discovered that my contacts are centered around church, Bible study, and academic pursuits.  I am still trying to learn Latin.  I love Hebrew, though I find it very challenging.  Other languages, history, poetry, and the occasional side trip into brain anatomy fascinate me.  I am still very interested in ecology, too.  The things I like are not topics that come up much in casual conversation, so the opportunity for a quick comment is rare.


The number of personal contacts is one indicator used by statisticians and experts to gauge a person's life expectancy and, also, life satisfaction.  Even if you don't like the people you have contact with, they are still a factor in your life expectancy.  The people we get mad at are significant in our goals and vitality.  If you want to write a letter to the editor or a criticism of a public figure, it may become a driving force in your life.


The people we enjoy are more fun and less stressful to engage with and, maybe, give us more satisfaction.  We have already come through the Liberation Phase which gives us more freedom to think and express ourselves.  In the phase of life Gene Cohen calls "Summing Up" we enter into a time of reflection.  We try to find a larger meaning in our lives, and we want to give back.  I don't know that older people want to retreat from life or other people, but I don't see much incentive to be bored by things or people I don't like.  

Who Is Going to the Home?

My interest in aging and the dynamics involved in getting old has taken a huge jump since I started researching  the questions facing other countries.  


Russia has a much larger population of women who reach retirement age than men.  Men's life expectancy in Russia is 57 while women may expect to live to 72.  One report blamed the severe disruption in the Russian economy due to the conversion to capitalism and resultant depression with causing the rise in men's alcoholism.


India has problems with financing the old age experience of it's aging population.  It is dramatic enough that laws have been passed against abuse of older people and abandonment.  "Grand dumping" is the term used for leaving parents or grandparents in the city without support or help.  In cases where Alzheimer's Disease or other dementia have robbed a person of awareness, this has become more common and laws have been enacted to hold families responsible. 


The president of Peru has announced a non-contributory pension for those over 75 living in extreme poverty.  42% of citizens in Peru over  75 still work.  In rural areas it rises to 65% because they have no other resources.


The USA is certainly not immune to problems financing a comfortable old age.  The Baby Boomer generation has passed into  retirement age.  Social Security has also passed the time where the income from the working public is sufficient to pay the Social Security benefits to those who qualify for it.  There is a Trust Fund that is supposed to keep it afloat until 2033.  Generally this means Americans should do a better job of saving for their retirement.  Social Security alone was never intended to provide for a genteel retirement.


China has historically taken care of the needs of its aging through the family, especially, the sons.  It was considered shameful to allow your elderly family members to be placed in a facility operated by the state.  Recently, this tradition has been changing. 
Reports indicate that old age homes or retirement centers are popping up all over China.


Mexico claims a great advantage to it's US neighbor in Nursing Home accommodations.  It is much cheaper to be old in Mexico that in the US.  You might need to learn more Spanish, but compare costs and services if you want to live "across the border."


All this talk and facts about getting old is getting to me.  I have not forgotten how old I am, but mostly, I just ignore it.  I am still able to do almost everything I want to; well, you know what I mean.  Somethings I don't care to do even if I can.  But I do want to learn from those other countries I have never visited what their view and approach is.  I may have missed some important opportunities.

I Love Life!

Getting older is now my official job.  The main goal of the job is to continue getting older.  In a great many ways it is a really fun.  I can say anything I want because most people over look you when you get old.  I can learn all kinds of things I never had time study before.  Recalling memories and retelling the old stories is better now because I have historical  impact when I speak.  


I can't be fired, and  I can't be demoted, but the scary part of this is that now I am finally in an unassailable position, time is running out.  


I have diabetes which is causing me some neuropathy (nerve damage--it makes my feet hurt).  I have lost some of my vision.  If I say you don't look as good as you used to, its because I can't see you that well.  My balance is getting worse--blame the neuropathy.  All the ads on TV promise me I will fall and not be able to get up.  My memory is unreliable, and everybody I know has the same problem.  I wonder if it is contagious.


I call this blog Getting Older--Getting Better because in some ways I really am, but in other ways I'm not.  My brain and my global understanding of the world and people is more acute and more astute than it has ever been before.  But let's face it, folks, I need to make my mark quick, because the clock is winding down.  I've had a good run and a lot of fun.  This is not good-bye, and just keep it in mind--it ain't over, till it's over.

Are You Off Your Rocker?

Betty White is one of the most enduring and endearing stars on TV.  She romps with three other stellar beauties on Hot in Cleveland, but now she has come out in another roaringly funny show called Off Their Rockers.  I have enjoyed this show tremendously because of my interest in the whole game of getting old.

One of the many negative rumors about old age is you lose your sense of humor.  The gang in Off Their Rockers haven't lost theirs and they inspire me to get in the act.  Maybe I can get a little bit outrageous, too.  Maybe not to the extent they do--I could get arrested, and they probably have someone to fix that for them.  


But really, folks, don't leave you sense of humor at the door when you get old.  It's hard enough in this arena to enjoy life, but you can't do it without being able to laugh at yourself and others.  When I worked at the prison, I sometimes taught a class for fellow employees with a focus on how to look at life through laughter.  Prison is a pretty harsh environment.  To get through the experience, being able to laugh was important for both the employees and the inmates. 


One way to reframe events so that you can endure them is to think about them as if Robin Williams or Betty White was the star of your movie.  How would they play it so that it's funny instead of painful?  How will you tell it next year so that you see the humor instead of the anger or fear?  A sense of humor, like butter, helps everything.

A New Crop of Kites

I started making a new crops of kites on Sunday.  I need to make forty or fifty by next month.  I hope by the time I need them it's not already into the windless summer temperatures that make kite flying not so much fun.


The Youth Group at a church I love is going to have a picnic and day of fun as an evangelistic tool to invite new people.  I am praying for the kites to be an adventure for the kids and adults.  I also want to share the adventure of kiting.  In the process, I will get to deliver an object lesson about how a kite operates.  The kite flies because the wind hits the flat surface and pushes down across the face of the kite.  The downward force pushes the kite up.  


It is important to remember that the wind is the power of the kite, but the string holds the kite facing the wind.  We are like that too.  We rise on the power we cannot see, but only feel, but we have to have a good connection to the one in control or we'll wind up in a tree or the fence.  The Holy Spirit gives us power to rise up, but without a firm connection, we fall into disaster.

I'm old; I know about disaster.  Firm connections are vital to a good life.

Cohen and Vaillant Promise a New Old Age

Recently I read books by George Vaillant and Gene Cohen.  Both of these writers are psychiatrists who do research on aging and developmental stage theory.  I find them fascinating, partly because I am old.   What do I have to look forward to?  After all, I am already old. 

But get a grip, folks, things are looking up.  Somebody has been keeping a secret about getting old.  Retiring is a whole new world.  Gene Cohen reports new stages in old age that nobody has told us about in his book THE MATURE MIND.  And they are wonderful!

Cohen’s first new stage for old people is called Midlife Re-evaluation.  Midlife Crisis has lost its snap because most people don’t have a crisis.  They re-evaluate where they are and where they want to go somewhere around 55 or 60.  Maybe younger, maybe older, but the realigning of their priorities and goals gives them a push for the last half of their lives.

By the time you are nearing retirement, you get your second wind.  You see as you near that time that there is more to life than winding down.  You have energy and zest you thought belonged to the younger generation.  You may approach life differently—more thought and purpose, more joy and fun—and use it better than you did in the past.  You may remember Grandma Moses who began painting at 77.  I opened a catering business when I retired at 60.  You may do something you never did before because now there is no one to say you can’t; there is no reason not to try.  Success is not the goal—it is a matter of enjoying the experience.  This is called the Liberation Phase.

Cohen calls the third phase Summing Up.  This is the time to see what your life has meant.  Volunteerism is very popular with the older crowd.  Giving back becomes a motto.  Mentoring to pass on skills and information becomes a tradition.  Some people begin the study of genealogy or write their memoirs.  I have always loved to write so I get to blog and it’s free.  I also enjoy genealogy—I call it visiting “with dead relatives.”  I get regular calls from grandchildren who need a class project about their ancestors. 

Cohen labels the last phase the Encore Phase meaning “again” as well as “continuing.”  It may begin in the seventies and continue through the eighties and nineties.  The later phases wax and wane in waves during this time.  Generativity which may start during the forties may come back with renewed urgency.  Generativity is the drive to teach someone younger what you have learned, to pass on knowledge and skill in a profession or sport.  Becoming the Keeper of the Culture allows you to share the family story through genealogy or family myths to a wider audience.  Being mentor to an organization instead of just a family member instills the story for society’s benefit. 

Vaillant’s book AGING WELL points out the impressive importance of the Generativity stage.  He emphasizes that mentoring or passing on your knowledge and skill is the best indicator of successful aging.  Erik Erikson’s Stages of Ego Development lists Generativity vs. Stagnation important in adulthood, and the life skill we develop in this process is care.  It is not difficult to see the connection between Generativity and successful aging; 

·         It requires contact with others. 

·         It is intellectually demanding. 

·         It is goal oriented.

·         It is reinforcing to both parties.

I urge you to look at aging in a new way.  Cohen and Vaillant emphasize that the brain never stops learning.  Let me repeat that:  The brain never stops learning.  There are new things to look forward to and you have not yet scratched the surface.  Enjoy!

Have Fun in Old Age

Quadratflachdrachen fuer Windgenerator mit aeroelastischen Fluegeln (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Getting old is more fun if you think of it as an adventure. I am old by all the criteria commonly accepted. My age, my eyesight, my mental capacity, and, certainly, my children mark me as old. I remember things that happened in a previous century and think of them as still relevant. Now my granchildren are studying them in history class.

Two dual line stunt kites flying in a formation (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So I am impressed to learn new stuff to keep my standing as still active and vital. But guess what? Some things that are old are new to the grandchildren. I make kites and show the kids how make them too. The ones I usually teach them to make are small and cheap. They are environmentally safe, and they don't require batteries. They get the kids out in the fresh air and give them an active afternoon. They are examples of high level scientific principles of wind action and air movement. That's pretty good stuff!

A train of little kites at the Bedford International Kite Festival, 2007. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It helps to learn the new stuff like new designs in kite building and new materials.  I use one or two sheets of typing paper or tissue paper for making kites.  If I buy them, they are usually made from rip-stop nylon with plastic spars and spines..  The fabric ones are more durable while the homemade ones will usually last only one season, or maybe one flight.  The thrill when you see the kite rise on the wind is the same whether you made it or bought it.  To see the grace of the tail as the wings catch the wind takes you heart to heights you can't imagine.

What old skill do you have you would like to share with a kid? Get out there and get excited about getting old!

Boredom Is the New Inspiration

I heard a reference to a study that revealed the reason for infidelity--boredom.  Amazing.  And all the time we were blaming unfaithfulness or lack of communication or poor money management or bad cooking.  It was boredom, old fashioned, plain, simple boredom. 

Take a deep breath and think again.  Any excuse will do if you are inclined to be unfaithful.  I really think this is one of those tip-of-the-iceberg kind of things.  Our society is dedicated to being endlessly entertained.  I recently heard teachers complaining because their lesson plans had to be fun for the kids.  They had to be fresh and new and brightly colored.  No multiplication tables to memorize, no boring stuff to do.  If you are bored, it's O.K. to shake things up even if it means checking in with a stranger or looking up an old friend for a little afternoon delight.  According to the stuff I found on the net, this is still innocent fun.  Hogwash!!!

Teenagers who use drugs and alcohol because they are bored are still stupid, and they will still  suffer the hideous consequences of their actions.  Was the momentary joy of the high reason enough to corrupt an otherwise functioning brain?

I don't object to boredom.  It is the reason for many of our best innovations.  When people get bored, they get creative.   Kids in school who learn to multiply, can become excited about logarhythms if they see it as a new adventure in mathmatics.  Suddenly the multiplication table isn't boring anymore, but it may have required some boredom to get to this point.

People in Sunday school who have heard all the old stories for twenty years find relief in minor characters who teach big lessons.   The Bible contains things I didn't know were there, exciting things, challenging things, but I had to endure some boredom to find them.

It's not the boredom that brought about the infidelity.  Yes, there was boredom, but there was also an underlying lack of faithfulness and inclination to dishonesty.  Don't try to excuse your character flaws by claiming boredom.  Everybody gets bored, but not everybody sleeps around.

Memories Hold Amazing Power

Image via Wikipedia

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. ~From the television show The Wonder Years

Psychologists are interested in memories for a lot of reasons. Some of the things that have happened to us are woven into the fabric of our beliefs and our personalities. The blessings of childhood are with us throughout our adult lives. Some of them bless us forever.

I will always remember that my mother thought I was the most attractive and charming child at the birthday party. She actually felt sorry for all the other mothers. I remember that I felt awkward and foolish a great deal of the time. I was corrected constantly. The reality of my amazing presence was in her mind, not mine.

She did truly want me to be perfect and viewed me that way. Even though I knew it was not true, I still felt special. I knew that she would shape me to be a more satisfactory individual, more studious, more creative, more stylish, and more graceful.

My mother died when I was ten. Her influence has been a constant in my life. Many times I have reflected on her opinion of me and altered the course I had chosen knowing she would want me to go a different way. I am still blessed by her love and her opinion.

What Do You Know About Diabetes?

Diabetes is a common disease.  There are about 18.8 million Americans diagnosed with diabetes and about 7 million that have the disease that have not been diagnosed.  Having the disease without knowing it puts you at risk to develop severe problems without knowing the cause.  If either or both of your parents had Type II diabetes, you should get tested by your doctor.   Carrying excess weight puts you at risk for diabetes, too.  It is a simple blood test--don't panic. 

Treatment may mean making some changes in how and what you eat, adding exercise to your daily schedule, and medication by mouth or injection, but you can do this.  Most people who are diagnosed as adults do not require insulin, but medication by mouth will controlled the blood sugar sufficiently to prevent high readings. 

You don't even have to swear off candy and desserts forever.  You do have to eat small portions of sweets and be respoonsible for your own eating behavior. 

You may be able to lose weight and add exercise to help your situation.  Losing weight increases the efficiency of the insulin producing cells.  The insulin you make has less territory to cover when you lose weight. 

Exercise helps the efficiency too.  Begin with walking, cycling, or swimming.  You don't have to be a jock, just use your energy to build muscle not fat.  When I was first diagnosed, I began using a stationary bike and eating more vegetables and lost about 20 to 30 pounds.  It was several years before I required any medication to control the blood sugar.  For more information see the entries on diabetes under Health and Illness Stuff on this site.

Belief and Trust

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I never really understood the difference between belief and trust.  I thought if I believed I also trusted–they were two sides of the same coin.  Now I have learned a new way to understand these words and the actions that come from them.

Believing is a cognitive action.  I have to think about what I believe and what I will do about it.  My actions follow my belief.  I am a Christian, so I arrange my logical steps to account for my faith.  It requires the history found in the Bible and the life, death and resurrection of Jesus to be firmly understood in my mind.  My belief is very logical and real, and my attendance at church and my participation in Bible study are evidence of my faith.

Trust is not logical or cognitive at all.  It is found in some other framework.  It is not based on language or understanding.  I can’t give you reasons why I trust God or how I find comfort in the sacrifice of Jesus.  I can’t even define trust in adequate language.  I just know.

I found this new understanding of faith and trust explained in George Vaillant’s book SPIRITUAL EVOLUTION.  Vaillant is a psychiatrist and very savvy about evolution.  He describes the way human development was enhanced by the use of language in the frontal cortex of the brain.  This refinement of our ability to communicate is a recent addition in evolutionary time.  The limbic system is an older method of evaluating the environment.  It is based in odors and sounds and sights that don’t require language.  Babies respond to touch and sound without the need for language.  As adults we become so sophisticated that we lose the familiarity with these ways of communicating.  They still operate in the background or beneath the surface of our consciousness.  There is where I found trust. 

I don’t trust God because I understand the words of the preacher’s sermon or because I can read the Bible.  I trust him because he has come before when I was alone or afraid; he has strengthened me when I was tired and cleansed me when I was dirty.  And it was all without words or language.  I can’t even describe how he does that.  The structures in the limbic brain are the places where emotions are found.  Fear, aggression, pity, joy and other things like memory are developed in the limbic system.  Maybe the limbic brain is where the soul resides, and language, words, and explanations are not really able to communicate the realities found there.  Trust is there, and God blesses me there. 

Some Complications of Diabetes

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How does diabetes affect you?

Diabetes causes changes in the way cells work.  The high concentration of sugar in the blood when the sugar levels are high causes the cells to change their shape.  You may note this in your vision.  When my husband's blood sugar was about 500, his vision was very blurry.  I experienced a change in my vision too.  It got better.  When I took my glasses off, I could see better.  I liked it!  The doctor did not.  He explained that the increase in sugar caused the cells and the eye ball to contain more fluid.  My astigmatism was improved because the eye ball became more round.  With high sugar readings, the eye ball, as well as brain, kidney, intestinal and neuronal cells experience increase in volumne of liquid and rupture.  These cells do not repair themselves.  They are lost.

Which systems are affected by diabetes?

All your body systems are affected by diabetes because the blood that brings nourishment and oxygen to the cells circulates throughout the body.  Nothing is safe from diabetes. 

Doctors worry a lot about foot care in patients with diabetes because the blood circulation may be slow to the feet.  Gravity works in blood too.  Proping your feet up when resting or watching TV is a good idea.  Get all the blood flow possible.  You may have lost neurons in your feet and legs and not know it.  One possible indication that you have begun to lose blood flow and neurons is lack of hair growth on the legs.  Your doctor may recommend a nerve test to find out the state of your nerve function in your feet.  My test showed impairment in my nerve functions.  That means that my feet are less sensitive to pain and injury.  That sounds like a good thing, but it means that I would not notice an injury and infection could spread before I was aware of it.

Loss of nerve cells does not mean that your feet won't hurt.  My often tingle, sting, or ache.  These are symptoms of the cells dying.  Take all the precautions you can to prevent this.  My doctor prescribed a drug to help the pain, but it had side effects that I was not willing to endure.  The medicine does not prevent the death of the cells; it just relieves the pain.  You will have to choose whether to endure the pain or the side effects.

Heart, kidney, and intestinal walls suffer damage from diabetes.  If your feet and legs are losing cells, the organs are too.  It pays to keep your sugar levels within the parameters recommended by your doctor.  On doctor expressed the idea that the most sensitive organ to loss from diabetes is the brain.  The brain loses cells daily from the mere act of living.   Any contaminants in air, water, and food cause cell loss.  Alcohol, tobacco, drugs, and even medications cause brain cell loss.  Do all you can to keep these  negative effects at a minimum

Can You Reverse Diabetes?

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Reversing diabetes is a very hot topic.  There are a lot of health regimens and products that claim to reduce the need for medication or insulin.  Weight reduction and exercise are also found to be extremely helpful.  I do not see this as “reversing diabetes.”  If the blood sugar readings are reduced, the need for medication may be reduced, but that does not restore the function of damaged cells.  It does reduce the risk of further damage to heart, brain, eyes, and nerve tissue due to the high blood sugar readings.   Make sure you continue to check blood sugar levels and be sensitive to other symptoms.

Complications of Diabetes

http://diabetes.niddk.nih.gov/dm/pubs/neuropathies/#what

I Love Old Age

I’ve been reading books by George Vaillant and Gene Cohen, and they have encouraged me.  Getting old is better than I thought.  I was pushing the concept of getting old as the last chance to get it right, have a good time, and shock the neighbors, but these two writers have shown me that there’s more to it than that

The brain makes some fundemental changes as it ages.  Some things we do better than we did when we were young.  Businesses that discriminate against older workers are doing themselves a disservice–these older workers are better at some tasks than younger ones.  Experience counts!

The brain of a younger worker has more neurons, but the older worker has more connections in the neuronal network.  When they are compared side by side, they excel on different things.  Don’t think that younger is always better.


When I took brain anatomy, science said that the brain loses neurons from about the age of about nineteen until death.  With the addition of neuro-toxins and other contaminants, we are losing thousands of brain cells a day and we never replace them. 

That is still true, but the fact I found so surprising is that we also may form new neurons.  They don’t do anything for your memory though.  Your new cells do not contain the old memories.  They are for new information.  You can learn new things and record new memories.  In other words, you can teach an old dog new tricks.  


One of the triggers to forming new neurons has to do with activity.  Both physical exercise and mental stimulation cause this formation of new neurons, but it needs to be strenuous activity.  You need to walk, cycle, or swim regularly and get tired.  Mental activity needs to be strenuous to form neurons too.  Tackle hard math problems, learn a new language, or study minute details of war or business.

There is a basic developmental shift in the brain as we age.  Gene Cohen describes the shift that occurs in the amygdalae, two almond shaped structures  in the limbic system that are important in emotional memory and fear.  In younger subjects brain scans show greater activity in the left side of the amygdala when it is stimulated, but in older subjects brain scans reveal both sides of the amygdalae are stimulated equally.  This indicates that older subjects are more controlled in their emotional response.  I guess I thought that old age had negative effects, but the learning and emotion function of the amydalae are better in old age.  They grow more integrated.  The brain has continued to develop. 

 Cheer up, folks!  Like wine and cheese, you get better with age.

Are Old People Creative?

The reputation of old people is squarely set in the fixed position:  They are viewed as unchangeable and intolerant of innovation. 

But wait a minute!  Let's take another look at that.  First let's see if they are right.  In that case they don't need to be tolerant of the wrong method or the inappropriate approach.  Sometimes old people are determined to do things their way because they have found that their way works best. 

Next, you may find people who are intolerant without foundation for their beliefs.  In that case, you may be successful in testing a theory or approach.  Most people who are able to think with a clear mind will change if they find a better way to accomplish their goal.  If they are just holding on to an outmoded method for the sake of stubbornness, let it be.  You can't fix stupid. 

The last group of old people I want to talk about are the ones who constantly seek new ways to operate, new goals to achieve, and new people to learn from.  Gene Cohen in his book The Mature Mind points out that the human brain never stops learning.  Old people are included in that statement.  Our brain continues to learn as long as we live.  It is also true that we need to stimulate our minds and actively find new material to learn and new ideas to entertain.

If you are old and you want to stay young, I can't help you.  If you are old and you want to continue to be thrilled, you need to learn something new or go somewhere you've never been or read something you have never seen.  Make it something difficult.  The brain responds to difficult problems with creative and intuitive answers.  Give it a shot.  You may surprise yourself. 

Why Do My Muscles Cramp?

PARIS - NOVEMBER 11: Nicolas Almagro of Spain suffers from a cramp attack during his match against Rafael Nadal of Spain during the ATP Masters Series at the Palais Omnisports De Paris-Bercy on November 11, 2009 in Paris, France.

I have asked many doctors this question:  Why do my muscles cramp?  They all have a different answer, and none of them has ever relieved my distress.  Each one gave me a little piece of the puzzle, but it is a far more complex problem than I thought.

Muscle cramps cannot be treated with a single strategy because they have multiple causes.  To reduce the pain and disruption in life activities, I had to address several issues. 

• Dehydration can cause cramping.  The human body is about 75% water, so it is essential to maintain fluid levels.  Sometimes medications and treatment can promote cramping.  Medications that reduce fluid may contribute to the problem.  One side effect of dialysis may also cause cramping.  When the boys in my high school began football practice in late summer, they suffered with leg cramps. Profuse sweating in the heat of August was part of the cause.  The coaches wisely kept a large supply of water for them.
• Lack of necessary substances can cause cramping.  Calcium, Potassium, Magnesium, and Sodium are substances that are significant in the proper operation of the muscles.  Insufficient supply may bring on cramps.  A deficiency may be difficult to track down.  There is probably enough salt in ordinary food to supply the sodium.  Supplements of Calcium, Potassium, and Magnesium are available over the counter at any drug store.  Try one at a time to see if there is a single cause.  When I was pregnant, the doctor prescribed Calcium, but it didn’t work.  Now I take Potassium and find it reduces the cramping.
• Strenuous or extended activity may cause cramping.  I sometimes make bread, but not everyday.  Gripping a spoon or whisk during the mixing process causes my hands to have severe cramps and prevents me from finishing the bread quickly.  I think this is because I don’t do it often enough.  I can usually relieve it by soaking my hands in warm water for a few minutes–washing dishes is good.
• Sometimes cramping seems to be spontaneous and without cause.  It may also be a combination of causes, and you may have to find your own routine.  Exercise to stretch and flex muscles helps to keep them strong and active.  Good diet to maintain proper intake of vitamins and minerals is essential.  Be sure to drink plenty of water.  If the cramps in your feet or legs gets too bad in the middle of the night, take a warm bath.  None of my doctors ever suggested this, but it works.  Doctors do advise against rubbing muscles that are cramping for fear of dislodging blood clots and causing a heart attack or stroke.  A massage from a licensed therapist is wonderful to relieve sore muscles!