Dark Matter Is a Black Cherry.

In the dining room at "the home" we can sit anywhere and with anyone. I sit with Fred Ellis quite a bit. He is very hard of hearing and never makes conversation. Occasionally he does make comments. Fred was a physicist and lectured at Pan-Am University here. One night a couple of weeds ago I tried to overcome the language problem by writing notes to him. 

"Tell me about Dark Matter," I wrote. He smiled and said, "Nobody knows anything about it. Stephen Hawking talks about it."
Tonight when I sat down, he said, "Tell me about Dark Matter." We laughed. 

We agreed that the soup was somewhat less than we had hoped for mostly with glances and hand signals. We sat back to see if the menu was accurate:. It said we would have a hot sandwich. I leaned close to his ear and said, "Sometimes they lie." We laughed again.

The patty melt sandwich was O.K. I was interested in what the dessert would be. The menu says we will have English Trifle about once a week and we have never had anything that even resembled trifle. Dessert was ice cream with a black cherry and sauce. I ate a few bites and the black cherry. Fred took the cherry out of his ice cream and deposited it on the paper place mat, and then continued to consume all the ice cream. 

  "I don't know what that is." Fred pointed with his spoon. I leaned close to his ear.
"It's Dark Matter," I said.

Supper was over and we parted smiling. Fred is a charming dinner companion.

This Is the Day...

Today has not been the best of all Sundays. I got up on time and went to the dining room to eat breakfast, but when I looked for the driver who I expected to take me to church, he wasn't at work. The manager explained that he was told not to come to work since the vehicle he took us to church in had not been registered and was past due. Nobody bothered to announce this so we could make other arrangements. I thought the ones who left were the dummies, but it seems to be a corporate requirement. 

I have registered many cars. It's pretty simple: You just go to the county office that handles car registrations, give the clerk the name of the owner and the money required, and she will give you the sticker to place on your windshield. Since it was expired for an extended period, there will be an additional charge. So you pay it/ That 's it. They had all day Friday to get this accomplished. I have no sympathy.

Then I went to lunch. It wasn't great. The menu said we would have Waldorf Salad. It was Cole Slaw. The Cordon Bleu was O.K. but the menu promised Roasted Yukon Gold Potatoes; they were definitely red skin potatoes. The Butternut Squash was not seasoned or done. Not my favorite meal!

This afternoon I had a stomachache. This day does not portend a good week. I already have an appointment with the doctor. I'm not looking forward to it.And yet the Bible says this is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it. This is as glad as I get when I didn't get to Church, lunch was a dud and my stomach still hurts.

  

A Cure for Boredom

Today I complained to a friend that I was bored. She encouraged me to practice my painting. Let me explain. She is a painter and she has been giving me and other instruction in using and enjoying watercolor. Well, I'm trying, but art is not my medium. I am a writer and my talent and my drive is totally confined to writing. I do appreciate art, but it is difficult and I am stressed. I can't get to a place where I enjoy the activity or feel rewarded by the result. 

The sad truth is that I am often bored living in "the home," and painting does nothing to alleviate the condition. Other friends have suggested activities like reading and writing and research. I've already tried them and they are successful in the short term. Over the long haul I need a distant goal, something that will require my skills and energies for months, maybe years. Teaching a Sunday school class or a Bible study comes to mind. Both of these require study, research, organizing a syllabus and imparting information to people I don't know yet.

One of the things I miss is conversation, not idle chit-chat, but sharing of ideas and history, personal stories and experiences, conversations that challenge the memory and intellect. People rarely want to get into this kind of conversation. It's work, very pleasant work, but it requires effort and accuracy. It means you have to deal with subjects that may need references and quotes from authorities. It may also mean you have to take a stand and defend it. 

I guess I'll try again. Bible study, Sunday school, are looking pretty good right now.

Boredom at "The Home"

I keep trying to find a way to make living in "the home" more than just tolerable; I want it to be a victory shout, a triumph. But the people I am here with don't make that easy. Football is a big subject on Monday morning, Both college and professional teams are represented in the ranks of the retired here at "the home." Plays and performance are reviewed at breakfast whether the enthusiasts reveal any expertise in the area of football or not. 

I watched football when my husband was alive, but in my retirement without him, I now focus on interests that are my own. I have yet to find anyone who wants to chat about Bible study, poetry, Latin, modern or ancient history, physics, or adult developmental theory.  My lack of interesting conversation is my own problem. I don't blame anyone else, but it does explain why I am bored and can't get excited about a card game or a craft. Last Friday night I went to the art gallery with a friend who is a painter and I enjoyed it very much. I wanted to stay longer, but everybody else was ready to leave. I wanted to talk about the pieces and hear the artists comments. 

It seems like I expect too much out of retirement. I would like to struggle to learn and find the kind of reward I got when I first studied Latin.. I do have a lot of books so for a while they may be the best I can do. 

Learn a Lesson from the Kite

This morning I told six children who were in the blended service of St. Mark's United Methodist Church the lesson the kite teaches us. It goes like this:

When You are facing the force of the wind and the pressure that comes against you in life, you are O.K. as long as the connection you have with God, the One in control, is strong and steady. Indeed, the pressure you face may be the very power of the Holy Spirit. The interesting thing about the workings of a kite is the stronger the force against it, the higher it flies.

I tried to reinforce the idea to the kids that they could handle hard things in life as long as their connection to God was strong and secure. I didn't have time to explain to them that their attitude, just like the kite's, was also important. The angle which the wind hits the kite is called "the angle of attack."  The angle must be balanced between too steep and too shallow to get the optimum performance.

Our attitude like the kite's makes a lot of difference in how we get along in life. Together with strong and secure connection to God, we have to maintain a good attitude. Our angle of attack has to observe the correct balance to keep us cheerful, optimistic, and honest.  And we must always pay attention to our connection with the One in control.

Is Depression a Good Thing?

 Sometimes I just want to be depressed. I'm not talking about the mental illness that is often associated with suicide or causes the horrible, cloying inability to function. I just want to retire into my memories and escape from the need to deal with people, especially people I don't know.

I don't want to go to meals and find someone to sit with. I don't want to have to make conversation. I don't want to eat food that isn't appealing. I just want to stay home for a while and read, or watch rerun TV, or be bored. Maybe being in "the home" is enough depression for right now. 

This depression is not the real thing. It still has the potential for production. Real depression is paralyzing, but this is just retreat. I just want to be alone and enter into mediation. I want to write poetry and read other people's. I want to experience fall, and here in the Valley, I have to find some way to find fall besides walking in the woods, besides drinking in the beauty of autumn leaves, besides inhaling the smell of burning brush.  

This is my first fall in the Valley. Maybe depression and memory will see me through.

Read and Share

Activities for old folks are difficult to predict. but at supper tonight I finally made contact with Judy and we agreed on forming a group for reviewing books and reading poetry. Another resident sponsors a group that attends a lecture on a book that all the members have read. We are interested in reviewing books that we haven't read and reading poetry aloud to share.

Judy was an English teacher. She may have many resources. I'm kinda excited with this prospect. Having something to do in "the home" is a real benefit, much less the chance to expand your interest and  learn something. Of the activities I have investigated, most are boring to me. .Someone to share the interest with is  absolutely God sent

Maybe there is someone else who will join with us..