Do You Have This Problem?

It's Your Move (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My birthday is next week and I may change my opinion that getting older necessarily means getting better. I notice more chinks in my memory lately, and a lot of wobbling, stumbling, and halting. About the only thing that I still claim to find improvement in is caring and concern. I am more sensitive to emotions and value insights and understanding more now than I ever have before.

I continue to remember people and incidents from my past with alarming detail, mostly things that would cause me distress or embarrassment. Many of these momentary flashes are from my childhood. I often view myself as a clumsy or inept child. The memory belies my parents' stories of my intelligence, but it just as often, causes me to appreciate them and their love for me. 

I remember the houses that were important: Grandmother's house, Auntie's house, the house we lived in, the neighbors' houses. I remember the features that were extravagant to my mind, like stairs, or porches, or windows. It's amazing that now those features are no big deal, but then they were remarkable.

I remember some of those houses, as I grew up, lost much of their charm. When they began to decline or needed a paint job, my thrill and regard for them declined, too. I'm not sure whether it was the decline of the house or my expanding idea of what was good or exciting. Maybe that's just the way life is.

Learning The Old Lessons Over

The title of this blog is damning. Just because I'm getting older doesn't mean I'm getting better. It sometimes means I've learned new stuff or found a new obsession or formed a new habit, but nothing in that means I'm actually better. It's my goal to improve as I age, and that is what I expect. That it's happening is yet to be realized.

Maybe I'm just resigned to the whole process, and acceptance is the best I can hope for. Maybe not. Sometimes I get a new grip on the rope. This week I've been reading literature for writers and reviewing the lessons I learned 40 or 50 years ago, and some of it sets something on fire in my mind or soul. Maybe there's time to get better yet.

At least I have a new yearning to write better and more, to be consistent, to be precise and do it better. I guess the proof will come when I follow through.  

Winding Down

Dr Pepper bottle (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Getting older is getting better again. I went to the doctor and got very good news. I'll get my last mammogram this week! I don't know why I resented that thing so much. I just knew that was not a problem that affects me, and I hated to do it. The doctor said that the recommendations have been revised and seventy five is now the new cut-off. She even gave me the option of not doing it this time, but with the promise of no-more, I'll give it a grand good-bye. 

I also got more good news: My blood work showed that I have very good control of my A1C. If you have diabetes, this is the one that promises that you blood sugar is not destroying your kidneys and you retina. I'd really like to keep those parts that help me stay independent and active.

I was also very glad that the A1C also showed the reason for a good reading on the cholesterol and triglycerides. I have recently given up bread and Dr. Pepper. I assume the dietary changes are being reflected in my numbers. It's a good thing because I couldn't deal with the side effects of the medication. Maybe I shouldn't say I gave them up. I don't keep a stash of Dr. Pepper in the cabinet and rarely eat bread. I can drink a DP when we go out and I can still have a piece of toast with my eggs now and then, so it's not like I'm deprived.

In other areas I'm also getting better as I get older. I'm alone most of the time, but I have made some friends at church and I go to Bible study on Thursday. I spend some time in prayer every day. I eat breakfast with my kids that live here on Sunday morning. My income is reduced which prompts me to be more careful with money and do a better job with my budget.

I read new poets and get a wider exposure to artistic and intellectual pursuits. At least I'm learning new names and forms. I don't really like some of those forms, but it's good for me to understand them. I'm not at all sure that learning new things keeps me young, but it does keep me abreast of what's going on. I don't really like to be considered the East Texas red-neck hick, though that is essentially what I am. Small town-back woods girl come to the Valley late in life, just here to wind down. This is true, but I want to have fun in the process.