Genealogy Is A Chance to Try Again

Genealogy is fun. I like to find the stories and evidence of the people who came before me. I like to rummage around in the attic of my ancestors and see where they lived and what was going on in their lives and their locations. Sometimes I find little gems of glistening purity that ties me to them, and sometimes I find a scoundrel hiding behind four wives and 9 children and not a divorce in sight. 

Oh, yes, I have to claim Cambell as a forebear. It does not fill me with pride that he blazed a trail, and I have not followed in his footsteps, but his first wife was a gem. She raised that mob of children he left when he went in search of other prey, or other wives. She sounds like the pioneer wife we read about in history books and family memorabilia, who "held her word and kept her troth/and cleared the forest and tamed the wild/ and gave the breast to the new born child."*

Genealogy may mark family traits and traditions you want to claim or those you would like to change. I have found both. I like the association I find in my family history with the people who farmed and moved west, at least as far as Texas.They were hardworking pioneers, and with the exception of Campbell, honest and faithful. Even Campbell was a farmer, but I don't know how successful he was at it. His wife did pretty well for herself. 

Getting older is sort of a stimulus to researching the family roots. Now I have grandchildren that engage in the history projects in school, and I am an expert for their study. It's kinda nice to have all this knowledge and power. Of course, I have to be honest about Campbell.


*Quote from John Brown's Body by Stephen Vincent Benet  

How Do Fractals Work?

 

This is an example of a fractal.

 

 

Here you have the definition of a fractal: 
"A fractal is a never-ending pattern. Fractals are infinitely

complex patterns that are self-similar across different scales. They

are created by repeating a simple process over and over in an

ongoing feedback loop."

 I found this definition on the Fractal Foundation.org website. I still don't know what that means except that it is a beautiful and arresting design. The array I found of these is astounding. Study this  one, and there are many of them, reminds me of other ways I believe fractals are an  important visual symbol. To view other examples click here.

The point I am aiming at is the beauty in a life filled with repeated acts of love or kindness. People who practice random acts of love and kindness see a pattern developing that is comparable to the fractal. They find the patterns to include small details as well as the wide sweeping events in their lives.

A fractal may begin with the little stuff, but if it is consistent across a life, the repeated design carries justice, love, faithfulness and joy. Of course repeated acts of deception and evil form a recognizable pattern too, but it may reveal chaos and bitterness.

Consider what kind of pattern you are creating. Do you like the way it looks in small matters? It's just the same in the big things as it is in the details.

Remember, as you get older the patterns are more evident. It may be hard to change your fractal if you wait too long.

Generativity--The Key to Successful Aging

I notice I haven't mentioned Stage Development lately. When you are facing the prospect of getting old, Stage Development is very important. Stage Development is relegated to childhood and youth when you get to the advanced years; at least, that's our perception, but the truth is there are stages that are only becoming evident now because we haven't had enough people who are old enough to demonstrate them. As the "Greatest Generation" has entered into these later stages the researchers have given names to new stages. I kinda like that. It makes me feel like I'm still viable and interesting. It gives me a new adventure to explore.

Generatively is one of the advanced stages in the original set of developmental tasks. When you get old and have mastered your craft you need to pass on the lessons you learned. Mentors are valuable to our society, and the young and ignorant benefit from our knowledge. The last stage according to Erik Erikson is the dichotomy between integrity and despair and gives us the opportunity to leave the world better than we found it. Entering this stage means we can enjoy ourselves and foster the next generation. In old age we can study the things we forgot about earlier, read the books, watch the movies and go to the fairs without guilt or shame.

My husband died a few years ago, so I'm making this journey alone. Well, not quite; I remember him and enjoy the activities I think he would revel in. When school starts in the fall I am going to offer to be a mentor for kids who need help in understanding poetry, conjugating verbs and writing a coherent sentence. I hope that challenges me. I'd really like to teach a class in kite building, too. And making bread. There are some things I can do and would love to share with people who want to learn. Getting older is getting better. So am I!

Just One Good Nights Sleep!

I have had trouble going to sleep lately. I have adopted the habit of getting up after an hour when sleep does not come and doing something to try to entice the blessed slumber. I have read, made lists of groceries and household jobs, and written in the blog. It's not a guarantee, but sometimes it helps when I go back to bed.

I have done a little research to find out what I'm doing wrong. If you don't have sleep apnea or narcolepsy, the internet resources are not much help. They give the same advice your grandmother would: Avoid spicy foods, take a warm bath, establish reasonable bedtime rituals, read calming literature, and relax by turning off the TV.

My research did emphasize the disruptive nature of anxiety and stress, and I have tried to eliminate these negative factors from my life. But it's not always something I can control. My daughter expects to have surgery soon. That is a stressor and I can't do anything about it. My son was in jail recently--another stressor that is beyond my control.

I also have a daughter who is trying to help me with transportation to Dr. appointments and other critical issues. But talk about stress! Of course she is a 'take charge ' person. I think she has become the mother in this situation and I am the stubborn child. I love her dearly, but my frustration is sometimes more apparent than I intend it to be. Sometimes our interactions replay in my mind while I am trying to go to sleep. Now I have visions of the stress meter dial rising to explosion level, and sleep is the farthest thing from my mind.

I suppose the advice is still the same--forgive and reframe, get over it and start over, use the calming recitation to rid my mind of the anger or bitterness, move forward. Of course she is young and does not really understand old age. I wish I didn't.

Alzheimer''s Disease--What's the Risk?

There are some risks to getting older that don't include getting better. Alzheimer's Disease is one of them. The early signs of Alzheimer's Disease are so vague and general that I'm sure I have it. The problem with attending to the early warning signs is that they are so minor they are normal for anyone at any age. Do you ever forget an appointment or the name of an acquaintance? Of course you do. My 18 year-old granddaughter does too.  Until the signs cause disruption in your life and activity, there is nothing a doctor can recommend, no treatment is appropriate until the signs or symptoms cause a problem. There are other dementia's that cause similar problems to Alzheimer's Disease. CJD or Creutzfeldt-Jakob is a more rapid onset and decline and causes death quickly. Pick's Disease was classified and identified before Alzheimer's Disease, but there is a distinction: Pick's Disease causes a change in personality before the problems with memory or cognition occur.    

When I was in school one of the professors told us that if we lived long enough, we would get Alzheimer's. I think he was almost right. I think the correct way to make that prediction is if we live long enough we will have some diminished brain capacity in some area of functioning because of loss of brain cells. It could begin with Parkinson's Disease which causes loss of function due to loss of dopamine cells. Alzheimer's Disease begins with loss of acetylcholine cells. Pick's Disease is caused by loss of cell function, similar to Alzheimer's and Parkinson, perhaps, in the hippocampus.            
The 'bottom line' assures us that as we get older we lose some of the cells of the central nervous system. We may show decline in reasoning and logic or we may lose skills or talents that were already well established. Either way it is less noticeable when we are younger and have lost fewer brain cells, but as we continue to age the symptoms may reveal a pattern that will give the doctor a handle that allows him to name you condition. Some of these conditions have medications that may help for a while.

I think my family already thinks I'm on the down hill slide. I deny and lie a lot about how I'm doing. I just want to conceal embarrassing situations so people don't stare and giggle when I stagger by. I try not to participate in things that prove how far I've gone down the other side of the hill.

On the other hand, if I laugh about it, I can drown out the gigglers.

Which Generation?

I have become enamored with the time and events of the Second World War, with the time period and people who inhabited it. I guess the time span is a little more than the four years from 1941-1945. Historians look at as beginning with the Depression from 1929 to about 1950. I think of it as 1936 till I graduation high school about 1954. For Europe the War started in 1939 and Hitler's power was significant by 1933.

Tom Brokaw called it "The Greatest Generation." I look at it as a great generation. I am a product of that time and those events. I am not quite old enough to be included, just a Johnny-come-lately to the party or the depression or the war.

I reflect on the period in old movies and historical presentations about the depression and the war. They were phenomenal people. I remember my parents and the other adults that represented my world--aunts, uncles, family friends--who were the important people to me. I remember the ones who went to war and the ones who stayed home to operate the businesses and teach school and farm the land. We laughed about "meatless Tuesday" at the grocery store. The meat market was not in operation on Tuesdays. The butcher's counter was cleaned and spotless, but the saw and knives were stored pristine, and the cooler kept the meat safe until another day.  

Mama kept her ration stamps in a leather wallet to purchase sugar, meat, and other essentials that were in short supply. She was very proud that I qualified as a person but I didn't eat very much. It gave her and Daddy a little buffer in the usual allowance for two people.

Mama volunteered to help with some projects sponsored by the Red Cross and other agencies in town. I was very envious because I wasn't allowed in their meetings. I thought it was very short-sighted of them. Daddy worked at the bank, the only one in town. He received a commendation for selling War Bonds. I was impressed.

I think about the time and the people as just the way things were during my childhood until I see it set against the Holocaust, the devastation of Europe, and the changes that came after the War was over. The Atomic Bomb marked our world forever with the power of nuclear fusion. Of course I heard about it in 1945, but it took a long time for me to understand what it meant in the larger context. Maybe all of us were charged with a more challenging view of the world. Maybe I'm still learning it.  

A Day To Remember

English: “Surrender of Santa Anna” by William Huddle (1847–92), 1886 The painting "Surrender of Santa Anna" by William Huddle, shows the Mexican strong-man surrendering to a wounded Sam Houston. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

April 21 is A Day to Remember. I think I was counting it April 19, but I was wrong. Today is the anniversary of the Day in which 910 scruffy Texans beat 1200 Mexican troops in a short battle at San Jacinto and gave Texas freedom from Mexico. It's a day for Texans to claim and reverence. The Battle of the Alamo is the one everyone remembers. Even John Wayne celebrated it. But the Battle of San Jacinto is the one that counts in the record books and in the historical record.

This hallowed day is one to remember and to brag about. That's something Texas has a reputation for--bragging. We are a proud land and people. And we share a proud history. It's one I have claimed for my own. My ancestors were here in the early days, growing crops, raising cattle, buying and selling horses, building towns and families, making progress and putting down roots. I am so proud to have this heritage and to pass it to my children.

This is something that doesn't loose its luster as I get older. I am prouder of my Texas ancestry now than ever. I'm a Texan all year round, and life long. It's something that I'll never get over.