Have you ever been challenged by this question? I made a decision, and now I question my choice. Was it really a wise choice? Am I just troubled because I feel guilty?
I made the decision based on my needs, partly because I'm 80 and partly because I am diabetic. I moved to an area when my youngest daughter lives and she suggested I would be better off here than where I was living. She thought I was doing too much housework and providing care for my disabled daughter at the expense of my own needs. I guess I was. As soon as I moved I needed gall bladder surgery. I would have stalled or denied had I stayed where I was.
My guilt comes from the difficulties my disabled daughter is having. Money, personal care, and loneliness plague her now, and I miss the chance to remedy the situation. The attempt to provide her help with bathing, cooking, and cleaning chores would probably be beyond my ability since I have had 2 strokes since I came here. Now my balance is compromised, I have not fallen, but I stumble a lot and feel very insecure.
I am praying for help from God. I need to be sure she is safe and getting the care she needs. She gets nursing services from a home help agency and her daughter is there to help her with daily care. I suppose I should be satisfied that her needs are being met. I still pray every day for God to intervene and give her comfort and solace.
Now I pray for me to be secure in God's love and relieved of guilt that I am not taking care of things. Maybe if I can get over the idea that I have to fix everything, I will be able to receive His assurance. At least that's what I'm praying will happen.
I made the decision based on my needs, partly because I'm 80 and partly because I am diabetic. I moved to an area when my youngest daughter lives and she suggested I would be better off here than where I was living. She thought I was doing too much housework and providing care for my disabled daughter at the expense of my own needs. I guess I was. As soon as I moved I needed gall bladder surgery. I would have stalled or denied had I stayed where I was.
My guilt comes from the difficulties my disabled daughter is having. Money, personal care, and loneliness plague her now, and I miss the chance to remedy the situation. The attempt to provide her help with bathing, cooking, and cleaning chores would probably be beyond my ability since I have had 2 strokes since I came here. Now my balance is compromised, I have not fallen, but I stumble a lot and feel very insecure.
I am praying for help from God. I need to be sure she is safe and getting the care she needs. She gets nursing services from a home help agency and her daughter is there to help her with daily care. I suppose I should be satisfied that her needs are being met. I still pray every day for God to intervene and give her comfort and solace.
Now I pray for me to be secure in God's love and relieved of guilt that I am not taking care of things. Maybe if I can get over the idea that I have to fix everything, I will be able to receive His assurance. At least that's what I'm praying will happen.
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