I Love Life!

Getting older is now my official job.  The main goal of the job is to continue getting older.  In a great many ways it is a really fun.  I can say anything I want because most people over look you when you get old.  I can learn all kinds of things I never had time study before.  Recalling memories and retelling the old stories is better now because I have historical  impact when I speak.  


I can't be fired, and  I can't be demoted, but the scary part of this is that now I am finally in an unassailable position, time is running out.  


I have diabetes which is causing me some neuropathy (nerve damage--it makes my feet hurt).  I have lost some of my vision.  If I say you don't look as good as you used to, its because I can't see you that well.  My balance is getting worse--blame the neuropathy.  All the ads on TV promise me I will fall and not be able to get up.  My memory is unreliable, and everybody I know has the same problem.  I wonder if it is contagious.


I call this blog Getting Older--Getting Better because in some ways I really am, but in other ways I'm not.  My brain and my global understanding of the world and people is more acute and more astute than it has ever been before.  But let's face it, folks, I need to make my mark quick, because the clock is winding down.  I've had a good run and a lot of fun.  This is not good-bye, and just keep it in mind--it ain't over, till it's over.

Are You Off Your Rocker?

Betty White is one of the most enduring and endearing stars on TV.  She romps with three other stellar beauties on Hot in Cleveland, but now she has come out in another roaringly funny show called Off Their Rockers.  I have enjoyed this show tremendously because of my interest in the whole game of getting old.

One of the many negative rumors about old age is you lose your sense of humor.  The gang in Off Their Rockers haven't lost theirs and they inspire me to get in the act.  Maybe I can get a little bit outrageous, too.  Maybe not to the extent they do--I could get arrested, and they probably have someone to fix that for them.  


But really, folks, don't leave you sense of humor at the door when you get old.  It's hard enough in this arena to enjoy life, but you can't do it without being able to laugh at yourself and others.  When I worked at the prison, I sometimes taught a class for fellow employees with a focus on how to look at life through laughter.  Prison is a pretty harsh environment.  To get through the experience, being able to laugh was important for both the employees and the inmates. 


One way to reframe events so that you can endure them is to think about them as if Robin Williams or Betty White was the star of your movie.  How would they play it so that it's funny instead of painful?  How will you tell it next year so that you see the humor instead of the anger or fear?  A sense of humor, like butter, helps everything.

A New Crop of Kites

I started making a new crops of kites on Sunday.  I need to make forty or fifty by next month.  I hope by the time I need them it's not already into the windless summer temperatures that make kite flying not so much fun.


The Youth Group at a church I love is going to have a picnic and day of fun as an evangelistic tool to invite new people.  I am praying for the kites to be an adventure for the kids and adults.  I also want to share the adventure of kiting.  In the process, I will get to deliver an object lesson about how a kite operates.  The kite flies because the wind hits the flat surface and pushes down across the face of the kite.  The downward force pushes the kite up.  


It is important to remember that the wind is the power of the kite, but the string holds the kite facing the wind.  We are like that too.  We rise on the power we cannot see, but only feel, but we have to have a good connection to the one in control or we'll wind up in a tree or the fence.  The Holy Spirit gives us power to rise up, but without a firm connection, we fall into disaster.

I'm old; I know about disaster.  Firm connections are vital to a good life.

Cohen and Vaillant Promise a New Old Age

Recently I read books by George Vaillant and Gene Cohen.  Both of these writers are psychiatrists who do research on aging and developmental stage theory.  I find them fascinating, partly because I am old.   What do I have to look forward to?  After all, I am already old. 

But get a grip, folks, things are looking up.  Somebody has been keeping a secret about getting old.  Retiring is a whole new world.  Gene Cohen reports new stages in old age that nobody has told us about in his book THE MATURE MIND.  And they are wonderful!

Cohen’s first new stage for old people is called Midlife Re-evaluation.  Midlife Crisis has lost its snap because most people don’t have a crisis.  They re-evaluate where they are and where they want to go somewhere around 55 or 60.  Maybe younger, maybe older, but the realigning of their priorities and goals gives them a push for the last half of their lives.

By the time you are nearing retirement, you get your second wind.  You see as you near that time that there is more to life than winding down.  You have energy and zest you thought belonged to the younger generation.  You may approach life differently—more thought and purpose, more joy and fun—and use it better than you did in the past.  You may remember Grandma Moses who began painting at 77.  I opened a catering business when I retired at 60.  You may do something you never did before because now there is no one to say you can’t; there is no reason not to try.  Success is not the goal—it is a matter of enjoying the experience.  This is called the Liberation Phase.

Cohen calls the third phase Summing Up.  This is the time to see what your life has meant.  Volunteerism is very popular with the older crowd.  Giving back becomes a motto.  Mentoring to pass on skills and information becomes a tradition.  Some people begin the study of genealogy or write their memoirs.  I have always loved to write so I get to blog and it’s free.  I also enjoy genealogy—I call it visiting “with dead relatives.”  I get regular calls from grandchildren who need a class project about their ancestors. 

Cohen labels the last phase the Encore Phase meaning “again” as well as “continuing.”  It may begin in the seventies and continue through the eighties and nineties.  The later phases wax and wane in waves during this time.  Generativity which may start during the forties may come back with renewed urgency.  Generativity is the drive to teach someone younger what you have learned, to pass on knowledge and skill in a profession or sport.  Becoming the Keeper of the Culture allows you to share the family story through genealogy or family myths to a wider audience.  Being mentor to an organization instead of just a family member instills the story for society’s benefit. 

Vaillant’s book AGING WELL points out the impressive importance of the Generativity stage.  He emphasizes that mentoring or passing on your knowledge and skill is the best indicator of successful aging.  Erik Erikson’s Stages of Ego Development lists Generativity vs. Stagnation important in adulthood, and the life skill we develop in this process is care.  It is not difficult to see the connection between Generativity and successful aging; 

·         It requires contact with others. 

·         It is intellectually demanding. 

·         It is goal oriented.

·         It is reinforcing to both parties.

I urge you to look at aging in a new way.  Cohen and Vaillant emphasize that the brain never stops learning.  Let me repeat that:  The brain never stops learning.  There are new things to look forward to and you have not yet scratched the surface.  Enjoy!

Have Fun in Old Age

Quadratflachdrachen fuer Windgenerator mit aeroelastischen Fluegeln (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Getting old is more fun if you think of it as an adventure. I am old by all the criteria commonly accepted. My age, my eyesight, my mental capacity, and, certainly, my children mark me as old. I remember things that happened in a previous century and think of them as still relevant. Now my granchildren are studying them in history class.

Two dual line stunt kites flying in a formation (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So I am impressed to learn new stuff to keep my standing as still active and vital. But guess what? Some things that are old are new to the grandchildren. I make kites and show the kids how make them too. The ones I usually teach them to make are small and cheap. They are environmentally safe, and they don't require batteries. They get the kids out in the fresh air and give them an active afternoon. They are examples of high level scientific principles of wind action and air movement. That's pretty good stuff!

A train of little kites at the Bedford International Kite Festival, 2007. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It helps to learn the new stuff like new designs in kite building and new materials.  I use one or two sheets of typing paper or tissue paper for making kites.  If I buy them, they are usually made from rip-stop nylon with plastic spars and spines..  The fabric ones are more durable while the homemade ones will usually last only one season, or maybe one flight.  The thrill when you see the kite rise on the wind is the same whether you made it or bought it.  To see the grace of the tail as the wings catch the wind takes you heart to heights you can't imagine.

What old skill do you have you would like to share with a kid? Get out there and get excited about getting old!

Boredom Is the New Inspiration

I heard a reference to a study that revealed the reason for infidelity--boredom.  Amazing.  And all the time we were blaming unfaithfulness or lack of communication or poor money management or bad cooking.  It was boredom, old fashioned, plain, simple boredom. 

Take a deep breath and think again.  Any excuse will do if you are inclined to be unfaithful.  I really think this is one of those tip-of-the-iceberg kind of things.  Our society is dedicated to being endlessly entertained.  I recently heard teachers complaining because their lesson plans had to be fun for the kids.  They had to be fresh and new and brightly colored.  No multiplication tables to memorize, no boring stuff to do.  If you are bored, it's O.K. to shake things up even if it means checking in with a stranger or looking up an old friend for a little afternoon delight.  According to the stuff I found on the net, this is still innocent fun.  Hogwash!!!

Teenagers who use drugs and alcohol because they are bored are still stupid, and they will still  suffer the hideous consequences of their actions.  Was the momentary joy of the high reason enough to corrupt an otherwise functioning brain?

I don't object to boredom.  It is the reason for many of our best innovations.  When people get bored, they get creative.   Kids in school who learn to multiply, can become excited about logarhythms if they see it as a new adventure in mathmatics.  Suddenly the multiplication table isn't boring anymore, but it may have required some boredom to get to this point.

People in Sunday school who have heard all the old stories for twenty years find relief in minor characters who teach big lessons.   The Bible contains things I didn't know were there, exciting things, challenging things, but I had to endure some boredom to find them.

It's not the boredom that brought about the infidelity.  Yes, there was boredom, but there was also an underlying lack of faithfulness and inclination to dishonesty.  Don't try to excuse your character flaws by claiming boredom.  Everybody gets bored, but not everybody sleeps around.

Memories Hold Amazing Power

Image via Wikipedia

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose. ~From the television show The Wonder Years

Psychologists are interested in memories for a lot of reasons. Some of the things that have happened to us are woven into the fabric of our beliefs and our personalities. The blessings of childhood are with us throughout our adult lives. Some of them bless us forever.

I will always remember that my mother thought I was the most attractive and charming child at the birthday party. She actually felt sorry for all the other mothers. I remember that I felt awkward and foolish a great deal of the time. I was corrected constantly. The reality of my amazing presence was in her mind, not mine.

She did truly want me to be perfect and viewed me that way. Even though I knew it was not true, I still felt special. I knew that she would shape me to be a more satisfactory individual, more studious, more creative, more stylish, and more graceful.

My mother died when I was ten. Her influence has been a constant in my life. Many times I have reflected on her opinion of me and altered the course I had chosen knowing she would want me to go a different way. I am still blessed by her love and her opinion.