Experience and Wisdom

It seems that denial is one of the best defense mechanisms I practice. When I have that option, I can embrace youth, vitality, and optimism.  Denying the ravages that old age is producing does nothing to remove them, and it only makes me feel better about my prospects as long as I don't have to face the truth.


I have sought a better way to face old age, and according to people like George Valliant and Gene Cohen, those strategics do exist.  They  may involve re-framing events to view the successes instead of the failures and the ability to continue to get joy from past positive 
experiences.  


I don't suggest that we should live in the past, but remembering joy can still give you joy.  When it comes to the abilities you feel old age is taking from you, look at the things that old age is giving you.


Wisdom is supposed to be the task of old age.  It's said to arrive with the gray hair and creaky knees, but the fact is that wisdom comes from experience, and a lot of that is related to bad choices.  Nothing teaches you the wise path like making the wrong choice.  One of the wise maneuvers you probably learned as you moved through your younger years had to do with these mistakes.  


I learned that I can watch my friends and family and learn from their mistakes as well as my own.  I don't have to do everything wrong to learn that it's a bad way to go.  I can get a lot of information about bad choices by watching other people and learning from their mistakes.  It may not have the same impact as doing it myself, but neither does it have the same consequences.


We try to share this wisdom with younger people, but they all seem to want to do it for themselves.  Oh, well, I tried.

A Short Visit for the Holiday

I am going on a little trip to visit my daughter, her husband and their two daughters.  It'll be wonderful!  They live in McAllen (that's still in Texas), but it is in the Rio Grand Valley.  I live closer to the Red River Valley.  Well, I used to.  I came from Red River County.  


I am going to enjoy their new house and go shopping and spoil the girls.  That's what grandmothers do.  Grandmothers also tut-tut a lot when the kids wear styles they don't like or eat things that look strange.  I'll stay four days and hug everybody a lot, and I'll get to tell all the stories of what I have been doing lately, and relive the fun parts and re-frame the disasters into a better outcome.  Visiting kids and grand kids is create.  When I come home, I'll get to tell all those stories too.  Remembering what was fun and sharing the pictures is have the fun of going.  It makes the trip last a lot longer, too.

Aging Is Great!

Theories about how older people deal with social attachments  abound.  Do we withdraw from social functions as we age? Are we less interested in connecting with others?  Are we lonely and sad because others withdraw from us?  Maybe it's our focus on memories and the past that drives others away.


I don't engage in much of the social whiz-bang, but I don't think it has much to do with my age.  I didn't enjoy the social clubs/activities much when I was young.  I liked the people and I supported their causes, but small talk and dressing up for the meetings didn't impress me. I find that aging is a distilling process.  I enjoy what I always enjoyed.  Now I have more freedom to say no to things I was hesitant to refuse earlier.  When I was younger, I sometimes engaged in activities because my husband or children wanted or needed to be active.  I was just there by association.


As one woman of 76 said, "Life's too short to spend time with people I don't like doing things I don't enjoy."  I'm not a good 42 player, I never really learned the finer points of Bridge, and Canasta was my aunt's thing, not mine.  I have discovered that my contacts are centered around church, Bible study, and academic pursuits.  I am still trying to learn Latin.  I love Hebrew, though I find it very challenging.  Other languages, history, poetry, and the occasional side trip into brain anatomy fascinate me.  I am still very interested in ecology, too.  The things I like are not topics that come up much in casual conversation, so the opportunity for a quick comment is rare.


The number of personal contacts is one indicator used by statisticians and experts to gauge a person's life expectancy and, also, life satisfaction.  Even if you don't like the people you have contact with, they are still a factor in your life expectancy.  The people we get mad at are significant in our goals and vitality.  If you want to write a letter to the editor or a criticism of a public figure, it may become a driving force in your life.


The people we enjoy are more fun and less stressful to engage with and, maybe, give us more satisfaction.  We have already come through the Liberation Phase which gives us more freedom to think and express ourselves.  In the phase of life Gene Cohen calls "Summing Up" we enter into a time of reflection.  We try to find a larger meaning in our lives, and we want to give back.  I don't know that older people want to retreat from life or other people, but I don't see much incentive to be bored by things or people I don't like.  

Who Is Going to the Home?

My interest in aging and the dynamics involved in getting old has taken a huge jump since I started researching  the questions facing other countries.  


Russia has a much larger population of women who reach retirement age than men.  Men's life expectancy in Russia is 57 while women may expect to live to 72.  One report blamed the severe disruption in the Russian economy due to the conversion to capitalism and resultant depression with causing the rise in men's alcoholism.


India has problems with financing the old age experience of it's aging population.  It is dramatic enough that laws have been passed against abuse of older people and abandonment.  "Grand dumping" is the term used for leaving parents or grandparents in the city without support or help.  In cases where Alzheimer's Disease or other dementia have robbed a person of awareness, this has become more common and laws have been enacted to hold families responsible. 


The president of Peru has announced a non-contributory pension for those over 75 living in extreme poverty.  42% of citizens in Peru over  75 still work.  In rural areas it rises to 65% because they have no other resources.


The USA is certainly not immune to problems financing a comfortable old age.  The Baby Boomer generation has passed into  retirement age.  Social Security has also passed the time where the income from the working public is sufficient to pay the Social Security benefits to those who qualify for it.  There is a Trust Fund that is supposed to keep it afloat until 2033.  Generally this means Americans should do a better job of saving for their retirement.  Social Security alone was never intended to provide for a genteel retirement.


China has historically taken care of the needs of its aging through the family, especially, the sons.  It was considered shameful to allow your elderly family members to be placed in a facility operated by the state.  Recently, this tradition has been changing. 
Reports indicate that old age homes or retirement centers are popping up all over China.


Mexico claims a great advantage to it's US neighbor in Nursing Home accommodations.  It is much cheaper to be old in Mexico that in the US.  You might need to learn more Spanish, but compare costs and services if you want to live "across the border."


All this talk and facts about getting old is getting to me.  I have not forgotten how old I am, but mostly, I just ignore it.  I am still able to do almost everything I want to; well, you know what I mean.  Somethings I don't care to do even if I can.  But I do want to learn from those other countries I have never visited what their view and approach is.  I may have missed some important opportunities.

I Love Life!

Getting older is now my official job.  The main goal of the job is to continue getting older.  In a great many ways it is a really fun.  I can say anything I want because most people over look you when you get old.  I can learn all kinds of things I never had time study before.  Recalling memories and retelling the old stories is better now because I have historical  impact when I speak.  


I can't be fired, and  I can't be demoted, but the scary part of this is that now I am finally in an unassailable position, time is running out.  


I have diabetes which is causing me some neuropathy (nerve damage--it makes my feet hurt).  I have lost some of my vision.  If I say you don't look as good as you used to, its because I can't see you that well.  My balance is getting worse--blame the neuropathy.  All the ads on TV promise me I will fall and not be able to get up.  My memory is unreliable, and everybody I know has the same problem.  I wonder if it is contagious.


I call this blog Getting Older--Getting Better because in some ways I really am, but in other ways I'm not.  My brain and my global understanding of the world and people is more acute and more astute than it has ever been before.  But let's face it, folks, I need to make my mark quick, because the clock is winding down.  I've had a good run and a lot of fun.  This is not good-bye, and just keep it in mind--it ain't over, till it's over.

Are You Off Your Rocker?

Betty White is one of the most enduring and endearing stars on TV.  She romps with three other stellar beauties on Hot in Cleveland, but now she has come out in another roaringly funny show called Off Their Rockers.  I have enjoyed this show tremendously because of my interest in the whole game of getting old.

One of the many negative rumors about old age is you lose your sense of humor.  The gang in Off Their Rockers haven't lost theirs and they inspire me to get in the act.  Maybe I can get a little bit outrageous, too.  Maybe not to the extent they do--I could get arrested, and they probably have someone to fix that for them.  


But really, folks, don't leave you sense of humor at the door when you get old.  It's hard enough in this arena to enjoy life, but you can't do it without being able to laugh at yourself and others.  When I worked at the prison, I sometimes taught a class for fellow employees with a focus on how to look at life through laughter.  Prison is a pretty harsh environment.  To get through the experience, being able to laugh was important for both the employees and the inmates. 


One way to reframe events so that you can endure them is to think about them as if Robin Williams or Betty White was the star of your movie.  How would they play it so that it's funny instead of painful?  How will you tell it next year so that you see the humor instead of the anger or fear?  A sense of humor, like butter, helps everything.

A New Crop of Kites

I started making a new crops of kites on Sunday.  I need to make forty or fifty by next month.  I hope by the time I need them it's not already into the windless summer temperatures that make kite flying not so much fun.


The Youth Group at a church I love is going to have a picnic and day of fun as an evangelistic tool to invite new people.  I am praying for the kites to be an adventure for the kids and adults.  I also want to share the adventure of kiting.  In the process, I will get to deliver an object lesson about how a kite operates.  The kite flies because the wind hits the flat surface and pushes down across the face of the kite.  The downward force pushes the kite up.  


It is important to remember that the wind is the power of the kite, but the string holds the kite facing the wind.  We are like that too.  We rise on the power we cannot see, but only feel, but we have to have a good connection to the one in control or we'll wind up in a tree or the fence.  The Holy Spirit gives us power to rise up, but without a firm connection, we fall into disaster.

I'm old; I know about disaster.  Firm connections are vital to a good life.